i am faking myself into my self selected self-image which i thinks is the best and the fittest for me. those self images kinds of ruling me with its unbearable perfection and flawlessness i think it displays. how weird am i.

in my nature i dont accept failures and mistakes i've done. wishful thinking and judgement i am secretly made in my mind about people and circumstances. it just consumes me a lot as a man. it hinders me from growth,acceptance and salvations. it weakens me,makes me reject myself,and makes me also intolerant towards others and certain circumstasnces. it took it's tools on me. i am perished,i cannot grow. i think i fece the same fears whenever i came into new environment and new situations. i think other people as perfect and i myself as jealous and hopeless. in fact, this is the people's expression i have to read, many of them are hiding themself from being discovered. i should widely accept this fact and release myself from that images, thoughts, and judgements that imprison me and my potentials. when i uncover myself, it is true, due to the fact that many people hinders and hide their mistakes from their awareness and reject it, when i talked about it, their response is to reject me, as it is their mechanical defences. if they not rejecting my point of view and my honesty, they do feel more bad and blame themself for not release the fear out of them. maybe they start blaming the circumtances which not allows them to do so, or the persons they think made them feel so. why is this happening to our society in general? because most people are afraid to even start thinking. they afraid of rejection and people talking in their back, for me, it gives me more power to present myself as the truth bearer. it indicates that everything i've said are true and have significant effect also on other people. they just dont feel like talking about it. it is also because of people's deepest motivation for some of them is to save their faces. they thinks if people think they're this and that, they immediately become this and that. This is not what God's wanted for us to feel. we're perfect in Him. we was born flawless and pure, so no reasons for us to feel bad about ourself, because we are what we are, and in God, everybody is the same. true speak shows strength.

i want to stop faking and stay to the truth. i start to embrace my power within me that God's allows me to pursue. this force is great and true. to speak the truth is my right. to hinder it are my sin.

but why in the past that telling the truth and expressing myself is so hard to do?